Two Months

Today was one of those days. A beautiful day, an accomplished day, a fun day with our son, Rufus received an A+ at the vet, and Sophia's 2 month birthday. It can catch you in an instant, and linger forever, and I honestly cherish that. Being able to be sad, able to remember, able to conjure up those emotions that were so heartbreaking, yet now bring a feeling of comfort as we remember out little girl. I fear as time continues to pass, her short time with the three of us will feel even shorter, a flash of a memory. Simply, that makes me cry. Alli and I are fortunate that we were blessed with so many gifts to remember her by, and as we continue to look back we can hold on to every moment of the short, precious, beautiful life of our baby girl Sophia.

We have also begun to take steps to help us through our grief. We have recently started attending an infant loss support group with parents who are also living with this great loss. It has been very helpful for us to be able to continue to share Sophia's story and also listen and support others as they share with us. In October we are heading to Faiths Lodge(www.faithslodge.org), a retreat for families who have children who are sick or those who have lost a child. It has been highly recommended and we are looking forward to it. FL is a non-profit organization, and their big event is approaching on the 26th which is "Hope Rocks" all proceeds benefit the lodge. Should be a great night for a great cause.

Keeping busy has been helpful for Alli and I and we can actually thank Jack mostly for that. However, on nights like this, and from time to time its nice to slow down and remember our little girl. It isn't always easy, of course sad, but its important to us. We miss her dearly. A day does not go by that I don't wish I was heading to the hospital or even home to see our little girl, in Mommy's arms, playing with Jack... Its hard to think about what could of been. But, as hard as that is, it keeps her in our thoughts and fills our hearts.

Happy 2 month Sophia, we love you and miss you dearly.

Family.

Dan and I are not sure how to go about writing this post. There are truly no words ever written to express how grateful we are to be a part of the two most loving families in the world.

Our family has been here for us through each step of the way and have given up so much of themselves in order to ease even the slightest bit of our pain.

Our parents have been such an astounding example of how amazing a parent's love for their child can be. When we thought that we could not ask anything more of them, they have been right around the corner with open arms, an ear to lend or kind words of support to offer us. Pride, admiraiton and love do not even come close to decsribe our love and gratitude toward our parents. Simply put, we cannot thank you enough for the amazing guidance you have given us and we only hope to be half the parents you have been to us.

And to our amazing siblings and their spouses...we have always known that we have awesome siblings, but over the past few months you have blown us away. You have all shown us the true meaning of family. Even in the scariest of moments during our brief time with Sophia you were able to make us laugh and take a bit of the pain away. The support that you all continue to show us even six weeks after losing our beautiful baby girl means so, so much and we will never know how to truly thank you.

Finally, if only Jack could understand how grateful we are for him. His darling smile and sparkling personality have lifted our hearts and have brought huge smiles to our faces, even on our darkest days. How sad we are to know how long it will be before Jack will get to hold his baby sister again. Until then, we will remind him daily about what an amazing big brother he was and continues to be. We will forever cherish his love for his new favorite nightly routine...which is saying his bedtime prayers and saying good night to baby "Phia" up in Heaven.

Thank You, Emily

It has been 4 weeks since our family met, fell in love with, and then said goodbye to our precious Baby Sophia. Words cannot explain the loss and sadness that we feel. We were told that our grieving process will not be day to day, but moment to moment. They were right.

One moment we are so, so sad that Jack never had the chance to grow up with his sweet baby sister. And that Sophia wasn't given the opportunity to play with all of her cousins or know what amazing aunts and uncles she has. Her brief time did not allow her to take a nap with Bapa Voigt or sing along while Grandpa Robert played Johnny Cash on his guitar. Grandma Joanne, Nana Mary Jean, and Great Grandma Lorraine were never given the chance to spoil their sweet grandaughter with adorable dresses or bows or books or cookies.

But then the next moment we try so hard to focus on how blessed we are to have been given the gift of meeting our beautiful baby girl...even if it was for one brief day.

One special gift that we were given that helps us smile each day is our photographer, Emily Griffith. Emily was referred to us by a friend when Jack was born and has taken Jack's pictures several times since then. She has always done a fabulous job of capturing how cute we think he is and also capturing his sweet little personality! We called Emily the night that Sophia died. Emily left her house in Rochester just minutes later and drove to Children's Hospital to photograph our family once again, but under very different circumstances.

Emily graciously volunteers her time and talent for an organization called "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep." I remember reading about it when I was first looking at her photography blog and thinking how special it is that she volunteers for NILMDTS...but never, ever thought that I would personally use this service.

Emily is truly amazing. This was obviously a very special, sad and intimate time for Dan, Jack and I as it was the first time we were able to hold Sophia. It was also the time that we had to say good-bye. Emily was so unobtrusive, gentle, compassionate and professional. I cannot imagine anyone else being there with our family. Emily - you gave us a gift that we will forever cherish. I know as time goes by it will become more and more difficult to remember exactly what her sweet little fingers and toes looked like. Your work touched our hearts and although this is a very sad and difficult time, we find peace and comfort knowing that we will always remember her beautiful face, her darling button nose and her sweet little fingers and toes because of you and your beautiful photography. Thank you with all of our hearts :)

Emily posted several of her pictures on her blog, which is below:

http://lemonlimestudios.blogspot.com/search?q=sophia

She also put these pictures into a beautiful video slideshow:

http://animoto.com/play/zhpxq561H5UftPq0Zux5WQ?utm_campaign=share_email&utm_medium=email&utm_source=share_email

We are sincerely touched...

Dan, Jack and I are truly touched by the love and support that we have received over the past weeks, and even more so at Sophia's Memorial Service. What we anticipated as being the most emotionally difficult day turned out to be one of the most beautiful days of our lives.

We obviously never, ever would have wanted to plan a funeral for our sweet baby, Sophia. But, since it was our only and final tribute to everything that she meant to us we sat down with our families several times and put our heads together to plan the most lovely day for her. And lovely it was.

One of our favorite parts of the funeral was the music. I recently read a book about a family who was told that their child may not live long after birth due to heart disease. The mother explained that her biggest regret was not sharing a lullaby with her baby. I remember reading that section of the book to Dan and sadly said that if Sophie doesn't make it that I wanted someone to sing a lullaby at her funeral. Our soloist sang Brahm's Lullaby. It was absolutely breathtaking. I know after that there was not a dry eye in the church but it meant everything to Dan and I.

We could not have asked for a more wonderful Pastor to preside over Sophia's service. He spoke about Sophia and her short life in such a sweet and uplifting manner. One of the things that he said about her that has resonated with so many was that "You cannot measure a life by the amount of breaths that you take, but by the amount of breathtaking moments that you share." We will hold that statement in our hearts forever.

Another favorite song that the organist played at the recessional was Somewhere Over the Rainbow. We both have always loved that song and it seemed very fitting.

After the service we were able to spend a little bit of time thanking our friends and family for coming in support of Sophia. We were touched that so many people were able to attend. Our only regret was that we were only able to visit for a short amount of time.

Our families then went to the Internment at Lakewood Cemetery. Sophia is laid to rest with her great grandmother. Our families were all there and it was truly a beautiful setting, however a very difficult moment for Dan and I. It was the very first time that we both felt the finality of Sophia's passing. We were blessed to have our parents, Sophia's great-grandma, all of our siblings and their spouses, as well as Jack and Sophie's cousins at our side. One of the most comforting thing that we have learned throughout this is how truly blessed we are to have such loving families and that we are not alone in our grief. It is touching how much her life has impacted our entire family.

After the Internment we went to the Woman's Club for brunch. We gathered our families on the rooftop and, with a pink balloon in each of our hands, we said a short prayer for Sophia. After the prayer we released the balloons. Sophia's cousins loved it because they said that they think that Sophie will get to play with many balloons once they reach her up in heaven (and maybe even pop a few!) The adults thought it was amazing that, until the balloons were out of our sight high above the clouds, they all stayed together in a group. What a fitting sight to be seen. Jack also kept pointing up to the balloons saying "Wook it! Bawoons!" It was very sweet.

We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day to celebrate our sweet baby's life. My good friend Clare said something very sweet to me today. She said that she has met many people in her life, but no one has ever made a greater impact on her life than Sophia. Dan and I couldn't agree more. A day will not pass that we do not think about Sophia and think about the impact she had on so many.

Finally...we thought that we would post the letter that we wrote to Sophia which Dan read at the funeral. I have never been more proud of my husband. He did a beautiful job.


Our Dear, Beautiful Sophia,

You took your mother and I on an amazing journey…from the moment we first heard your heart beat to the moment we were at your side as you took your last breath.
The doctors told us there was a good chance we would never meet you. We would not listen to this nor accept it, and neither would you. We searched across the country for the right answer and for someone to tell us there was something that they could do to help you while you were in your mommy’s tummy. All that we learned was that it was up to you.

You were feisty, a bit dramatic at times, and you surpassed the expectations of everyone. How you gathered the strength to meet us is amazing. You are our miracle, our blessing, our special gift.

Your mom and I fell in love the second we saw you. We will never forget the first time we gazed upon your sweet little eyes, or when you wrapped your precious little fingers around ours.

Although we only had a short time together, the time we had with you cannot begin to match the impact you had on our family. Your big brother Jack loved meeting you and was especially fond of your precious button nose. Your grandparents and your aunts and uncles were all there to meet you as well, and were so proud of your strength and your fight to give them that chance. You brought out the best in so many in a short amount of time.

It has been one week since we said goodbye. Your mommy and I have such heavy hearts. We did not know it was possible to shed so many tears. However, we find comfort in knowing that your next journey will be peaceful and your heart will be healthy. We know your heart is beating effortlessly at 160 beats per minute and is functioning beautifully.

Our dear, sweet, beautiful Sophia. Our baby girl. Although it may seem like a lifetime away that we will see you again, please know that a day will not go by that we do not dream of holding you. A light will shine for you forever. Dear sweet, Sophie. Thank you for our precious day. You will forever be our beautiful gift.

Love, Your Daddy and Mommy

We would also like to thank the following who took such great care of Sophia:
-Dr. Donna Block and her staff at Clinic Sophia
-Dr. Sivanandam and Dr. Williams at Maternal Fetal Medicine at the University of MN
-Dr. Straughsburger and Dr. Wakai at the University of WI in Madison
-Dr. Hanley from Standford University
-The Pedicatric Cardiologists from Children’s Hospital of Boston
-The entire team from The Children’s Heart Clinic of Minneapolis, specifically Dr. Rios, Sophia’s Cardiologist and Dr. Overman, Sophie’s Heart Surgeon
-The MN Perinatal Physicians, specifically Dr. Wothey and Dr. Calvin, and Dr. Fairbanks who delivered Sophia
-The Staff at Children’s Hospital Neonatal Intensive Care Unit
- We would especially like to thank the nurses in the NICU who cared for Sophie and helped make our day with her so amazing
-Finally, we will forever be indebted to our hero, Doctor Ronald Hoekstra . He gave her such special and extraordinary care. We know in our hearts that there is no one else who could have given our baby better care and attention. He will forever be in our hearts.

Information regarding memorial service and memorials

Lenmark, Sophia Rebbecca infant daughter of Allison(Thompson) and Daniel Lenmark, sister of Jack. Also survived by great-grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Service Wednesday July 29, 2009 9:00 am Mount Olivet Luthern Church, 5025 Knox Avenue S, Minneapolis MN. Private interment. Memorials preferred to Minneapolis Children’s Hospital NICU Unit or Minneapolis Children’s Hospital Heart Fund 2525 Chicago Avenue Minneapolis, MN 55404. Washburn-McReavy Edina chapel 952-920-3996.

Memorial Service For Sophia

A Memorial Service for Sophia Rebbecca Lenmark will be held at 9am Wednesday morning at Mount Olivet Lutheran Church in Minneapolis.

Mount Olivet Lutheran Church
5025 Knox Ave S Minneapolis, MN 55419

http://www.mtolivet.org/
612.926.7651

Our Dear, Sweet Baby Sophia. Thank You.

Our hearts hang heavy as we look to each other for the strength to compose this entry. We decided that the only way we can write this post is to curl up together in the hospital bed and reflect on the last 72 hours. The past four days have been an experience in life like no other. We have never felt more joy, fear, elation, sadness or sorrow.

Last night, a little bit after 10 pm, Dan and I were at Sophia's side, holding her precious little hands as she took her last breaths. Her poor little heart could not function the way it needed to, even with the help of her pacemaker. Sophia left this world as she came into it, surrounded by the most loving people in the world, her family. Sophia's big brother Jack, her grandparents and nearly all of her aunts and uncles were there to say goodbye to her. It was truly a beautiful moment as everyone was able to hold and kiss her for the first and last time.

We feel truly blessed that God gave us 1 day with her. We will forever treasure the first time that we looked in her beautiful eyes and held her sweet little hands. We are also truly grateful for all that Sophia taught us. Her life is a reminder that no matter how long or short it is, it is truly a gift.

Sophie, we miss you so much and cannot wait until we can see you and hold you again. A day will not go by that we will not think of you and how much we love you. You are forever in our hearts, you are our angel. We love you Sophia.


Love,
Alli, Dan, Jack and Rufus